The Dogfather blog

Go Ellen! Go Ellen! Go Ellen!

2012-02-08T17:19:00.000-08:00

IT'S HERE WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL!

2012-02-05T13:18:00.000-08:00

Jim started cutting me off things like our family cell plan. It seems there is no hope of reconciliation. So I have to do what I have to do. Sorry if this blog has taken to much time for my personal holocaust. I'm moving on now. Now it's about the possibilities, new friends, and my new web site retail business, days away from the unveil. I had ordered beautiful roses to send to Jim for our 21 anniversary, but he nearly convulsed at the suggestion, so I had them sent to me. Here is a picture that pretty much nails what my world is like, for the time being.

I'm going to leave you with the recent arrangement in the window at IXIA on Market near Castro. Flower arrangements don't get any better than this. A final thought as I was looking at clocks. The photos are in reverse order, still working on blogger layout. Thanks for stopping by.

2012-01-07T16:44:00.001-08:00

2012-01-07T16:41:00.000-08:00

2012-01-07T16:27:00.000-08:00

2012-01-07T16:25:00.000-08:00

2012-01-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

Some of the letters written to me when he was the Jim I know'

2012-01-07T14:46:00.001-08:00

2012-01-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

Yay! I was able to log in for the first time in weeks! now more blogging;

2011-11-16T02:26:00.001-08:00

Temporary pic post, trying to think about anything bUt, my shattered heart.

Making sense of a love hangover...

2011-10-26T02:00:00.000-07:00

Here are more pics everyone (all 7?);

Watershed moments

or
showing you the world through my eyes.

2011-10-25T04:04:00.000-07:00

Making sense of the loss of love;

2011-10-25T03:36:00.000-07:00

About Three months ago I had the most frightening experience of my life, as a "nightmare". It was a Sat am and I was about to wake up when I, found myself, suddenly in a hyper state of reality, bolting, intensely, down, to what I instantly knew was my doom. Not my death, mind you, but I was very aware that I was headed for my doom, the total loss of hope was pervasive, i was struggling to breath and the whole experience lasted about three seconds, or I felt that was the time. Then I woke up. I was shocked and stunned and terrified, bewildered. I had never experienced anything like it before. I considered telling my fiance' about it when he woke up, but it almost seemed that if I did so I might be bringing it to life. So I put it out of my mind.That night the the last of our beautiful dachshunds died, after spending the evening at the vet, with cremation= $4K, to join the others on that shelf.

Where the plan, by way of oath, (His Oath to me), has been that when I die and am cremated all our ashes would be blended. When we came home, something came over me and I picked up a pot from the front porch and threw it though his car window. I was as surprised as he was but he was also livid, and he grabbed a few things and left. The next day I got a text from him saying that he was leaving me.Xanax! For months he had complained that: "The Xanax is changing your personality" "Stop taking Xanax!". I am generally pretty streetwise (bartender 25 yrs), and in this case we were talking about a drug that was prescribed to me over 20 years ago, that Doc after Doc continued to prescribe, a minimum dose, not more than 15, 5mg per month. I had ignored his urgings, (now I'm sure the Xanax had a lot to do with that too). So I really couldn't imagine that he would stay away, and sever all (98%) of communication with me. So the next night, grasping to make sense of what had happened, I finally sat down and looked up Xanax; side effects; forums; horror stories!Horror Stories; yes and they were identical to my own story. I was livid! Here I was taking this medication to treat anxiety, and because of it I was experiencing more intense panic attack than at any time before.i don't like to be owned by anything, like drugs, tobacco, or anything, and I resented this drug, big time, for ruining my life. So in spite of the warnings online to ; "never quit cold turkey! I found a forum of people that had done exactly that, so I did. Word got around I knew to friends and neighbors, family. I expected a lot of calls of support, but as the hallucinations started, there was a deafening silence. I talked to my neighbor, one of my closest friends, and she sounded like she didn't want to get involved. I had never done anything violent in my life before except there were some incidents in black out that lead up to this, much of which he never even told me about), I recall I felt as if I were being "shunned". So I just waited it out, telling myself; " hell you used to pay good money for hallucinations like these. I was anxious to find out what the half life was in the body, and did more research online, waiting to make an appointment to see my doc. Who then consulted the head pharmacist and I was told 56 hours. I had already read online that it changes brain chemistry, so I knew it would bel be longer than the half-life. I enrolled in therapy, eagerly agreed to also see a psychiatrist, and was put on the waiting list. I was making progress in turning this around and the thought of him not coming back, was inconceivable.

So I started journaling everything he that had a complained about around the house, He wanted to be able to park in the garage, so I ( with the help of a dear friend) had two yard sales, and made room enough that we cleaned out half the garage, room enough for his car.Then I turned my attention to the "remodel of our entire house, (that HE STARTED 14 years AGO and never finished, that buck stopped here), and thought of a couple of work-arounds, to get it rolling again. I made a very small start, wasn't easy to concentrate and focus, under the circumstances. Messages from him came in trickles. I asked him if there was any hope that he would come back to me. During a period of three weeks his tome started out with brutal statements like; "It doesn't look good, dude". I hated that word right then, dude was code for; " stranger with no importance" to me. I pleaded with him, that I had done everything I could to reverse the whole thing, and he softened his tone slightly. I was in his house ( I gave it to him, on the condition he never throw me out of it) doing things he wanted done, and I told him I couldn't keep it up, without; HOPE. To which I got the message; "There is; HOPE"I expected this," hickup", to be over and for him to come home. Instead, as the days went by, I started hearing between the very rare lines of communication that he was, was being coached, some kind of curriculum, peppered with cliches', that he would never normally say, instead as a steppford husband programming, like there was a stranger in the room Meanwhile I was in therapy being encouraged to leave him alone. A handful of people know what that kind of paradox that is like. Here is a list/link of exactly what it is like; http://www.forgetex.com/.The writer was clever enough to work out a system and then mega pitch it through a lot of pages, and a hard sell for a book, out of she's the likely spilled most in it, everything to convince you there is a lot more, if you buy the book, for $49.So I'm thinking I need to do something dramatic to break this cycle of being set up into peramaters that result in a fail no matter what I do. He has a knack for those, they just come natural to him. So I'm trying to organize the filming of my story, and I've written the following to TheOricle a YouTube maven as well as submitted this proposed project to film students through the online community; DVXuser.com I will continue to follow up with any film maker I can. Here is what I wrote to theOracle; "I'm considering making a docu-short about the 21 years with my soul mate, who just up and left me two months ago. The goal would be to bring him home.

I know I can't trust myself to direct or edit the film, it has to be unfailing, poignant, and compelling. I know the story is. I would hope to see it go viral and instead of it making money, he, and those whom he knows, see it and ask themselves the same question(s) or and the obvious question that is currently my burning secret, Why? Why did you (he) go? Why didn't you (he) ever say anything about at least one bizzare incident that would have made me go get some help? etc.Since I detoxed and quit the drug wouldn't he be interested in seeing me now? Instead, whenever I heard from him, his reaction would start with You haven't changed, you got a dog so you're still the same( He had said he didn't want another dog until we had a chance to travel. There are a lot of succinct details to our story, including, near death experiences (mine, his insurance saved me, at least twice), and the dramatic and tragic loss of an adorable little dachshund, and the redemption of the four females rescued form her womb, that we had all their lives. He left the night the last one passed away. Anyway, these are a few of the touch points of our story. i don't even know what the constraints on time for You Tube films, or any other parameters, nor do I have exceptional equipment, just an iPhone 3G. I fear any attempt to tell this story must be well done or it could do more damage than improvement. It's very nice to have you invite me to be your You Tube friend, and obviously, timely. If you don't have this information available, any other thought or advice going forward could only help.

So here are some moments from our finest 21 years, the happiest days of my life, by far.

It's such a shame to find out, he wasn't happy for the last, (he dropped the 2 years bomb), but I think he might have back peddled when I asked him about the wonderful trips we had taken to Yosemite, Big Bear, Las Vegas. He's a bit aloof, with internalized homophobia, so he can be hard to read; "?, Sour! but what's sour?"
Adorable right? Long time ago. Now he's humorless, overworked, and dissatisfied with everything, except Howard Stern.

We were on our "honeymoon" to Hawaii, Sydney and Fiji. In this picture, we had just exchanged vows to one another on this Honolulu beach, 21 yeas ago.

He went to The Parade with me this year for the first time in many. Sadly, it may be the last one. I sure hope not! So That's all I have time for right now, but check back as early as tomorrow, I'm posting our entire 21 years, comments are welcome.
Let's vote everyone,

Should Jim Come back and give it a chance for him to fall in love with me again? For 21 years he said he would never leave me.
Or should he go one way and I go the other?

Since he left I have rediscovered my own identity, and I really missed me, if he comes back I'm keeping Monte 2.0 but I know we can work it out.

Thanks for reading this blog, love and rockets! Monte

I was wrong about my husband and I hope he comes back to me.

2011-10-06T01:14:00.000-07:00

So I got him a new car!

Funny;

2011-10-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

Why you should...

2011-10-03T18:08:00.001-07:00

El Zi Feat. Yehonathan - Make It Without You

2011-08-01T18:53:00.001-07:00

Yohanathan - I'm calling you (Kore leha)

2011-08-01T18:47:00.001-07:00

Every kind, vulnerable person in the world must read this!

2011-08-01T18:35:00.000-07:00

Dealing With Manipulative People

An Excerpt from the book: In Sheep's Clothing
By George K. Simon

Two Basic Types of Aggression

There are two basic types of aggression: overt-aggression and covert-aggression. When you're determined to have something and you're open, direct and obvious in your manner of fighting, your behavior is best labeled overtly aggressive. When you're out to "win," dominate or control, but are subtle, underhanded or deceptive enough to hide your true intentions, your behavior is most appropriately labeled covertly aggressive. Now, avoiding any overt display of aggression while simultaneously intimidating others into giving you what you want is a powerfully manipulative maneuver. That's why covert-aggression is most often the vehicle for interpersonal manipulation.

Acts of Covert-Aggression vs. Covert-Aggressive Personalities

Most of us have engaged in some sort of covertly aggressive behavior from time to time. Periodically trying to manipulate a person or a situation doesn't make someone a covert-aggressive personality. Personality can be defined by the way a person habitually perceives, relates to and interacts with others and the world at large.

The tactics of deceit, manipulation and control are a steady diet for covert-aggressive personality. It's the way they prefer to deal with others and to get the things they want in life.

The Process of Victimization

For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.
The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.
All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button." – But at the time their manipulative child is busily pushing that button, they can easily forget what's really going on. Besides, sometimes we're unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities. Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited.
What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we've been taught to believe about human nature. We've been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or "hung-up." So, while our gut tells us we're dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded "underneath." What's more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We're more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator's character.
Recognizing Aggressive Agendas

Accepting how fundamental it is for people to fight for the things they want and becoming more aware of the subtle, underhanded ways people can and do fight in their daily endeavors and relationships can be very consciousness expanding. Learning to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life's many battles, has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I've worked. It's how they eventually freed themselves from their manipulator's dominance and control and gained a much needed boost to their own sense of self esteem. Recognizing the inherent aggression in manipulative behavior and becoming more aware of the slick, surreptitious ways that manipulative people prefer to aggress against us is extremely important. Not recognizing and accurately labeling their subtly aggressive moves causes most people to misinterpret the behavior of manipulators and, therefore, fail to respond to them in an appropriate fashion. Recognizing when and how manipulators are fighting with covertly aggressive tactics is essential.

Defense Mechanisms and Offensive Tactics

Almost everyone is familiar with the term defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are the "automatic" (i.e. unconscious) mental behaviors all of us employ to protect or defend ourselves from the "threat" of some emotional pain. More specifically, ego defense mechanisms are mental behaviors we use to "defend" our self-images from "invitations" to feel ashamed or guilty about something. There are many different kinds of ego defenses and the more traditional (psychodynamic) theories of personality have always tended to distinguish the various personality types, at least in part, by the types of ego defenses they prefer to use. One of the problems with psychodynamic approaches to understanding human behavior is that they tend to depict people as most always afraid of something and defending or protecting themselves in some way; even when they're in the act of aggressing. Covert-aggressive personalities (indeed all aggressive personalities) use a variety of mental behaviors and interpersonal maneuvers to help ensure they get what they want. Some of these behaviors have been traditionally thought of as defense mechanisms.

While, from a certain perspective we might say someone engaging in these behaviors is defending their ego from any sense of shame or guilt, it's important to realize that at the time the aggressor is exhibiting these behaviors, he is not primarily defending (i.e. attempting to prevent some internally painful event from occurring), but rather fighting to maintain position, gain power and to remove any obstacles (both internal and external) in the way of getting what he wants. Seeing the aggressor as on the defensive in any sense is a set-up for victimization. Recognizing that they're primarily on the offensive, mentally prepares a person for the decisive action they need to take in order to avoid being run over. Therefore, I think it's best to conceptualize many of the mental behaviors (no matter how "automatic" or "unconscious" they may appear) we often think of as defense mechanisms, as offensive power tactics, because aggressive personalities employ them primarily to manipulate, control and achieve dominance over others. Rather than trying to prevent something emotionally painful or dreadful from happening, anyone using these tactics is primarily trying to ensure that something they want to happen does indeed happen. Using the vignettes presented in the previous chapters for illustration, let's take a look at the principal tactics covert-aggressive personalities use to ensure they get their way and maintain a position of power over their victims:

Denial – This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It's a way they lie (to themselves as well as to others) about their aggressive intentions. This "Who... Me?" tactic is a way of "playing innocent," and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what they want to do. This denial is not the same kind of denial that a person who has just lost a loved one and can't quite bear to accept the pain and reality of the loss engages in. That type of denial really is mostly a "defense" against unbearable hurt and anxiety. Rather, this type of denial is not primarily a "defense" but a maneuver the aggressor uses to get others to back off, back down or maybe even feel guilty themselves for insinuating he's doing something wrong.

In the story of James the minister, James' denial of his ruthless ambition is massive. He denied he was hurting and neglecting his family. He especially denied he was aggressively pursuing any personal agenda. On the contrary, he cast himself as the humble servant to a honorable cause. He managed to convince several people (and maybe even himself) of the nobility and purity of his intentions. But underneath it all, James knew he was being dishonest: This fact is borne out in his reaction to the threat of not getting a seat on the Elders' Council if his marital problems worsened. When James learned he might not get what he was so aggressively pursuing after all, he had an interesting "conversion" experience. All of a sudden, he decided he could put aside the Lord's bidding for a weekend and he might really need to devote more time to his marriage and family. James' eyes weren't opened by the pastor's words. He always kept his awareness high about what might hinder or advance his cause. He knew if he didn't tend to his marriage he might lose what he really wanted. So, he chose (at least temporarily) to alter course.

In the story of Joe and Mary, Mary confronted Joe several times about what she felt was insensitivity and ruthlessness on his part in his treatment of Lisa. Joe denied his aggressiveness. He also successfully convinced Mary that what she felt in her gut was his aggressiveness was really conscientiousness, loyalty, and passionate fatherly concern. Joe wanted a daughter who got all A's. Mary stood in the way. Joe's denial was the tactic he used to remove Mary as an obstacle to what he wanted.

Selective Inattention – This tactic is similar to and sometimes mistaken for denial It's when the aggressor "plays dumb," or acts oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the aggressor actively ignores the warnings, pleas or wishes of others, and in general, refuses to pay attention to everything and anything that might distract them from pursuing their own agenda. Often, the aggressor knows full well what you want from him when he starts to exhibit this "I don't want to hear it!" behavior. By using this tactic, the aggressor actively resists submitting himself to the tasks of paying attention to or refraining from the behavior you want him to change. In the story of Jenny and Amanda, Jenny tried to tell Amanda she was losing privileges because she was behaving irresponsibly. But Amanda wouldn't listen. Her teachers tried to tell her what she needed to do to improve her grade: but she didn't listen to them either. Actively listening to and heeding the suggestions of someone else are, among other things, acts of submission. And, as you may remember from the story, Amanda is not a girl who submits easily. Determined to let nothing stand in her way and convinced she could eventually "win" most of her power struggles with authority figures through manipulation, Amanda closed her ears. She didn't see any need to listen. From her point of view, she would only have lost some power and control if she submitted herself to the guidance and direction offered by those whom she views as less powerful, clever and capable as herself.

Rationalization – A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It's a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what he wants to do (quieting any qualms of conscience he might have) but also to keep others off his back. If the aggressor can convince you he's justified in whatever he's doing, then he's freer to pursue his goals without interference.

In the story of little Lisa, Mary felt uneasy about the relentlessness with which Joe pursued his quest to make his daughter an obedient, all-A student once again. And, she was aware of Lisa's expressed desire to pursue counseling as a means of addressing and perhaps solving some of her problems. Although Mary felt uneasy about Joe's forcefulness and sensed the impact on her daughter, she allowed herself to become persuaded by his rationalizations that any concerned parent ought to know his daughter better than some relatively dispassionate outsider and that he was only doing his duty by doing as much as he possibly could to "help" his "little girl." When a manipulator really wants to make headway with their rationalizations they'll be sure their excuses are combined with other effective tactics. For example, when Joe was "selling" Mary on the justification for shoving his agenda down everyone's throat he was also sending out subtle invitations for her to feel ashamed (shaming her for not being as "concerned" a parent as he was) as well as making her feel guilty (guilt-tripping her) for not being as conscientious as he was pretending to be.

Diversion – A moving target is hard to hit. When we try to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don't like, he's expert at knowing how to change the subject, dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve. Manipulators use distraction and diversion techniques to keep the focus off their behavior, move us off-track, and keep themselves free to promote their self-serving hidden agendas.

Rather than respond directly to the issue being addressed, Amanda diverted attention to her teacher's and classmates' treatment of her. Jenny allowed Amanda to steer her off track. She never got a straight answer to the question.

Another example of a diversion tactic can be found in the story of Don and Al. Al changed the subject when Don asked him if he had any plans to replace him. He focused on whether he was unhappy or not with Don's sales performance – as if that's what Don had asked him about in the first place. He never gave Don a straight answer to a straight question (manipulators are notorious for this). He told him what he thought would make Don feel less anxious and would steer him away from pursuing the matter any further. Al left feeling like he'd gotten an answer but all he really got was the "runaround."

Early in the current school year, I found it necessary to address my son's irresponsibility about doing his homework by making a rule that he bring his books home every night. One time I asked: "Did you bring your books home today?" His response was: "Guess what, Dad. Instead of tomorrow, we're not going to have our test – until Friday." My question was simple and direct. His answer was deliberately evasive and diversionary. He knew that if he answered the question directly and honestly, he would have received a consequence for failing to bring his books home. By using diversion (and also offering a rationalization) he was already fighting with me to avoid that consequence. Whenever someone is not responding directly to an issue, you can safely assume that for some reason, they're trying to give you the slip.

Lying – It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. But there are also times when you don't know you've been deceived until it's too late. One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that because aggressive personalities of all types will generally stop at nothing to get what they want, you can expect them to lie and cheat. Another thing to remember is that manipulators – covert-aggressive personalities that they are – are prone to lie in subtle, covert ways. Courts are well aware of the many ways that people lie, as they require that court oaths charge that testifiers tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth from you or by distorting the truth. They are adept at being vague when you ask them direct questions. This is an especially slick way of lying' omission. Keep this in mind when dealing with a suspected wolf in sheep's clothing. Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information.

Covert Intimidation – Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. Guilt-tripping and shaming are two of the covert-aggressive's favourite weapons. Both are special intimidation tactics.

Guilt-tripping – One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon. Aggressive personalities of all types use guilt-tripping so frequently and effectively as a manipulative tactic, that I believe it illustrates how fundamentally different in character they are compared to other (especially neurotic) personalities. All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don't care enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person immediately starts to feel bad. On the contrary, a conscientious person might try until they're blue in the face to get a manipulator (or any other aggressive personality) to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, to absolutely no avail.

Shaming – This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It's an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.

When Joe loudly proclaimed any "good" parent would do just as he was doing to help Lisa, he subtly implied Mary would be a "bad" parent if she didn't attempt to do the same. He "invited" her to feel ashamed of herself. The tactic was effective. Mary eventually felt ashamed for taking a position that made it appear she didn't care enough about her own daughter. Even more doubtful of her worth as a person and a parent, Mary deferred to Joe, thus enabling him to rein a position of dominance over her. Covert-aggressives are expert at using shaming tactics in the most subtle ways. Sometimes it can just be in the glances they give or the tone of voice they use. Using rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm and other techniques, they can invite you to feel ashamed of yourself for even daring to challenge them. Joe tried to shame Mary when I considered accepting the educational assessment performed by Lisa's school. He said something like: "I'm not sure what kind of doctor you are or just what kind of credentials you have, but I'm sure you'd agree that a youngster's grades wouldn't slip as much as Lisa's for no reason. You couldn't be entirely certain she didn't have a learning disability unless you did some testing, could you?' With those words, he "invited" Mary to feel ashamed of herself for not at least considering doing just as he asked. If Mary didn't have a suspicion about what he was up to, she might have accepted this invitation without a second thought.

Playing the Victim Role – This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. One thing that covert-aggressive personalities count on is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can't stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore, the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you're suffering in some way, and they'll try to relieve your distress.

In the story of Amanda and Jenny, Amanda was good at playing the victim role too. She had her mother believing that she (Amanda) was the victim of extremely unfair treatment and the target of unwarranted hostility. I remember Jenny telling me: "Sometimes I think Amanda's wrong when she says her teacher hates her and I hate her. But what if that's what she really believes? Can I afford to be so firm with her if she believes in her heart that I hate her?" I remember telling Jenny: "Whether Amanda has come to believe her own distortions is almost irrelevant. She manipulates you because you believe that she believes it and allow that supposed belief to serve as an excuse for her undisciplined aggression."

Vilifying the Victim – This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (i.e. defending himself against) aggression on the part of the victim. It enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defensive.

Returning again to the story of Jenny and Amanda, when Amanda accuses her mother of "hating" her and "always saying mean things" to her, she not only invites Jenny to feel the "bully," but simultaneously succeeds in "bullying" Jenny into backing off. More than any other, the tactic of vilifying the victim is a powerful means of putting someone unconsciously on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent and behavior of the person using the tactic.

Playing the Servant Role – Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others. In the story of James (the minister) and Sean, James appeared to many to be the tireless servant. He attended more activities than he needed to attend and did so eagerly. But if devoted service to those who needed him was his aim, how does one explain the degree to which James habitually neglected his family? As an aggressive personality, James submits himself to no one. The only master he serves is his own ambition. Not only was playing the servant role an effective tactic for James, but also it's the cornerstone upon which corrupt ministerial empires of all types are built. A good example comes to mind in the recent true story of a well-known tele-evangelist who locked himself up in a room in a purported display of "obedience" and "service" to God. He even portrayed himself' a willing sacrificial lamb who was prepared to be "taken by God" if he didn't do the Almighty's bidding and raise eight million dollars. He claimed he was a humble servant, merely heeding the Lord's will. He was really fighting to save his substantial material empire.

Another recent scandal involving a tele-evangelist resulted in his church's governance body censuring him for one year. But he told his congregation he couldn't stop his ministry because he had to be faithful to the Lord's will (God supposedly talked to him and told him not to quit). This minister was clearly being defiant of his church's established authority. Yet, he presented himself as a person being humbly submissive to the "highest" authority. One hallmark characteristic of covert-aggressive personalities is loudly professing subservience while fighting for dominance.

Seduction – Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty. Covert-aggressives are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren't character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. Appearing to be attentive to these needs can be a manipulator's ticket to incredible power over others. Shady "gurus" like Jim Jones and David Koresh seemed to have refined this tactic to an art. In the story of Al and Don, Al is the consummate seducer. He melts any resistance you might have to giving him your loyalty and confidence. He does this by giving you what he knows you need most. He knows you want to feel valued and important. So, he often tells you that you are. You don't find out how unimportant you really are to him until you turn out to be in his way.

Projecting the blame (blaming others) – Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they're expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways.

Minimization – This tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization. When using this maneuver, the aggressor is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain.

I've presented the principal tactics that covert-aggressives use to manipulate and control others. They are not always easy to recognize. Although all aggressive personalities tend to use these tactics, covert-aggressives generally use them slickly, subtly and adeptly. Anyone dealing with a covertly aggressive person will need to heighten gut-level sensitivity to the use of these tactics if they're to avoid being taken in by them.

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This post is a response to The Mormon Church sending almost $15 million into CA to stop me from being able to marry the one I love.

2011-08-01T18:25:00.000-07:00

The Untold Story Of The Mormons

and God cursed black men and gave them flat nose

Chronicle/December 7, 2003
By Raymond Archer

In the wake of civil legislation across the world and anti-racism campaigns against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in America came an incredible revelation on June 9, 1978, from the Mormon President, Spencer W. Kimball, who announced that he had received a revelation which signalled the end of the Church's ban on blacks' acceptance into the priesthood, The Chronicle has gathered.

Until then, the Church had pontificated that blacks would never hold priesthood in the church because they bore the "Mark of Cain" and had been born through this lineage as a punishment for their failures in the pre-existence.

According to Mormon scriptures, when Cain rebelled and rose to slay his brother Abel, God cast him away from His face and cursed him to be a vagabond and a fugitive. He identified him with black skin.

A Mormon book called "Pearl of Great Price"- Moses 6:40, states that, "I the Lord set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him."

The incredible revelation, which is speculated to have been induced by international protestations against the Mormons, stated that "the long promised day has come when every faithful, worthy man in the Church may receive the holy priesthood."

President Kimball said that, he had received the revelation "after extended meditation and prayer in the Salt Lake Temple". Mormon scriptures indicate that the same revelation came to his counselors and to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Temple.

The Kimball revelation was said to have sent shock vibrations through the membership of the church who felt that an eternal proclamation by the founding fathers of the church that God had perpetually cursed black people and could not become priests in the Church, should be upheld.

Early Prophets of the Mormon Church taught that this mark of Cain was a black skin. They were also said to have believed that the real curse on all who bore the mark of Cain was that, they would be forbidden to attain Mormon priesthood.

A Mormon scripture attributed to Abraham, quotes him as saying that: "we were told that, this curse of a black skin was carried across the flood through the black-skinned Egyptian Wife of Ham, the son of Noah."

In Pearl of Great Price, Abraham is again quoted as saying that, "Now Pharaoh, being of that lineage " could not be admitted into the priesthood, therefore all blacks who Mormons believed at the time were from that lineage were banned from priesthood.

Early Mormon leaders had many racist and bigoted things to say about blacks under the guise of their touted special revelatory spiritual knowledge.

Mormons and the Black Race

Joseph Smith, the founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, at one time said that something needed to be done with blacks.

The Founder of the Church said: " Had I anything to do with the Negro, I would confine them by strict law to their own species and put them on a national equalization."

Joseph Smith's successor, Brigham Young - the second prophet of the church whom Mormons believe, led them to the Salt Lake Valley after they had been chased out of New York and also out of Mavou- along the swamp of the Mississippi river due to their religion.

Brigham Young, in whose memory the Brigham Young University, which now hosts Jake Obetsebi- Lamptey's daughter, was named, was the most vocal in the campaign against blacks.

"You see some classes of the human family that are black are uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable and low in their habits, and seemingly without the blessing of the intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind.. Cain slew his brother.. And the Lord put a mark on him, which is a flat nose and a black skin.

"Shall I tell you the law of the God in regard to the African race? If the white who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God is death on the spot. This will always be so."

John Taylor, the third prophet of the Latter Day Saints also explained how the blacks survived the flood - "After the flood, we are told that the curse that had been pronounced upon Cain was continued through Ham's wife, as he married a wife of that seed. And why did it pass through the flood? Because it was necessary that the devil should have a representation upon the earth as well as God."

Joseph Fielding Smith, the tenth prophet of the Church of the Mormon Church wrote:

"Not only was Cain called upon to suffer, but because of his wickedness, he became the father of an inferior race. A curse was placed upon him and that curse has been continued through his lineage and must do so while time endures."

Fielding further said: "Millions of souls have come into this world cursed with a black skin and have been denied the privilege of priesthood and the fullness of the blessings of the gospel. These are the descendants of Cain."

"Moreover" Fielding continued, "they shall have been made to feel their inferiority and have been separated from the rest of mankind from the beginning. ..We will also hope that blessings may eventually be given our Negro Brethren, for they are our Brethren-children of God-Not withstanding their black covering emblematical of eternal darkness."

Until 1978, the Mormons had been taught by the founders of the Church that Negroes were doomed to the curse until after the return of Christ for his millennial, thousand year reign - for this, blacks could not enter the Mormon Temple or join the priesthood.

With the passage of time, however, civil rights legislation brought the Mormons Church once again into conflict with American standards.

To see more documents/articles regarding this group/organization/subject click here.

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Awkward Boner Song

2011-08-01T13:33:00.001-07:00

This is followed by two examples of who Jeus was talking about.

2011-07-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes! (Matthew 18:6-7)

Bradlee Dean talks to Bryan Fischer, who claims Hitler and the Nazis were homosexual.

2011-07-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

Bradlee Dean Says Gays Are Criminal Predators

2011-07-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Wow! Now here is a human that is making a better world!

2011-07-20T14:03:00.001-07:00

And who can forget the best pie in the worst face!

2011-07-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

Rupert Murdoc gets shaving cream pie in the face, Yay!

2011-07-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

2011-07-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

one more available same vendor;

2011-07-19T11:29:00.001-07:00

available at; http://www.northernsun.com/

2011-07-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

Aids Walk SF 2011

2011-07-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

Sunday July 17;
I walked 5 miles for the Aids Walk S F 2011 today in Golden Gate Park and raised $281.00. All together we ( 25,000 people) raised $3,011,245. It was the most fun and meaningful day I've had in over 30 years. I've posted pics and vids on my Facebook page and I've added them here. Cloris Leachman and Alan Cummings were there along with 30 other celebs and were historically funny. After she spoke and sat down, she whispered something to the guy sitting next to her, that cracked him up so much he had his face in his hands for the next seven minutes. I sure would love to know what she said, but it cracked me up seeing it.

I'll never miss another walk again, even though at the end I had to go ice my left ankle in the med tent. I've never been in the presence of the AIDS QUILT ( even though I had a crush on it's founder, Cleve Jones) and I always thought I could never face it, but they had a sampling of the panels on 3 greens along the way and I couldn't resist seeing if I knew any of them. I didn't, but I'm glad I looked, and took some pics. It was the equivalent of a Vietnam Vet visiting the memorial in DC. I went along the crowd of people and shared my sun block w anyone that needed it.

If they had a dachshund I told them about; http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/Dodgerslist/, a yahoo group that educates people about intervertebral disc disease (IVDD) in doxies, and there were so many people with so many dogs.

I was dumb struck by the fact that when AIDS first emerged, Reagan and all other heterosexuals (except Elizabeth Taylor, my hero) wouldn't even utter the word. Back then thousands of lesbians and gay men organized overnight, and demand action.

Today, almost the ENTIRE BAY AREA CROWD WERE COMPOSED OF STRAIGHT FAMILIES, and a couple two doors from me gave a ride from there and home (a tedious to navigate to and from, and very ungay suburb, near Berkeley). On the way home I learned they helped build "THE AIDS MEMORIAL GROVE in Golden Gate Park" and it's amazing. I photographed a plaque on a park bench in the grove that was especially poignant and it's among the pics I've posted.

A Rachel Maddow Story

2011-05-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Apple employees; "It Gets Better"!

2011-04-16T16:06:00.001-07:00

Awesome new PSA from Ireland!

2011-04-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

Lilly Allen's "Fuck You" with crowd support, awesome!

2011-03-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

Honeymoon; Hawaii, Sydney

2011-03-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

19 Year olds speech about his two moms

2011-02-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Awesome No8 video!

2010-11-12T14:03:00.000-08:00

Speech by Joel Burns Ft Worth, TX Councilman

2010-10-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

The Trevor Project - It Gets Better!

2010-10-12T12:52:00.000-07:00

video of Ted Olson defending the Prop 8 trial decision on FOX News

2010-08-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

JONAH's "Ex-Gay" Psychological Striptease

2010-07-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

Missionaries of Hate from Current TV's Vanguard Series

2010-07-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

Lilly Allen - Fuck you (video "THE BIG FAT GAY COLLAB!" by steviebeebishop)

2010-07-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

A letter to The TEA Party!

2010-07-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

I read your "article" quoting the Russian Government's claims that told your paranoid, don't tax me-it's mine-mine-all mine, but I'll take that tax break G.W. Bush gave the rich without a peep. I think it's extraordinary that a group of senile hypocrites such as The TEA Party, who have made it their business to decide who and what is genuinely American, and Constitutional, and that is willing to embrace any crazy rumor or notion as long as it fits into your narrow definition of The 1950's America that you want to return to, would accept as gospel a published accusation as ridiculous as this propaganda form a Russian publication! Your group is typically so ultra-nationalist and ultra-patriotic, what happened? Was this so exactly what you wanted to hear that your normal standards of grandiose Americanism had to be suspended? You people are incredible! No really, I mean it, you have no credibility, and you live in a hermetically sealed world where Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck spoon feed you a smorgasbord of half truths and lies made from whole cloth and are convinced that there are enough other American Ding-bats out there to create a movement of any consequence, but not if I, and millions like me can help it.

Republicans Need To Rethink Rhetoric

2010-03-25T19:19:00.000-07:00

In 1995, House Majority leader Dick Armey (R-Tex.) referred to Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass) as "Barney Fag." He quickly apologized calling his verbiage a "slip of the tongue". Fifteen years later, the obstreperous Tea Party movement that Armey is behind showed no such restraint, with members boldly calling Frank a "faggot" during the healthcare debate, while the crowd stood by and laughed. They also used the N-word to taunt civil rights hero, Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.), as he entered the Capitol to vote.

Can the media please stop pretending that the Tea Party is an amalgam of small government conservatives and anxious Americans concerned about their families? What we just witnessed was not spontaneous, nor was it a genuine outpouring of anger towards Washington. It was privileged DC Republicans shilling for the insurance industry while posing as populists. To obscure their genuine goals, they mobilized racists and riff raff to throw tyrannical tantrums in an effort to intimidate lawmakers.

If you think I'm wrong, watch almost any interview with Tea Baggers on the healthcare bill. They display a shocking lack of understanding about what they were actually protesting. Many condemn "socialized" medicine while not realizing that Medicare is a government program. These "good folks" have consistently regurgitated stale and misleading GOP talking points about "death panels" that they heard on FOX News.

Sure, there are some Tea Baggers who don't fit this unflattering description. But one would have to be intellectually dishonest to deny the role extremists are playing in this movement. It is also worth noting that those who are reportedly not fringe ideologues are nonetheless eerily comfortable protesting alongside the more fanatical goons.

The thuggish tactics - from the ugly August "town brawls" to the race-baiting rallies on Capitol Hill - were grotesque and anti-democratic. Many of these so-called "patriots" were not putting forth real arguments in the interest of America - but simply arguing loudly to bully opponents and drown out genuine debate.

It was disgusting to watch Republican members of Congress egg on this unruly behavior. Several grandstanding politicians encouraged the mob from a second story balcony on the Capitol, as the empowered crowd yelled slogans through bullhorns such as, "Nancy Pelosi, you will burn in hell for this." These grossly irresponsible lawmakers even encouraged anarchy by cheering a protester who was ejected from the House chamber for a disruptive outburst.

In my view, Republicans have crossed a dangerous line that threatens the fabric and cohesion of this nation. They are courting and catering to crazies and now call them a core constituency. The GOP leadership is consistently communicating in illogical, apocalyptic terms to reach "Values Voters" who are excitedly awaiting Armageddon.

The very strategy of today's conservative movement is an affront to this nation. They incite their most fervent and fanatic followers by questioning the legitimacy of America's leaders and institutions. They engage in legislative obstruction. And, many of these zealots believe that God commands them to rule, while anyone else is a usurper of the natural political order.

Republicans are also fanning the flames of regionalism and trying to balkanize this nation for political gain. When asked if passing the bill would help democrats politically, Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.) replied, "Someone at Harvard or in San Francisco may think that, but not the rest of the country." This rhetoric mirror's that of Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-Minn.) who spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference last month and derided liberals for supposedly hanging out at "Chablis-drinking, Brie-eating parties in San Francisco."

At the anti-healthcare rally, cantankerous protesters yelled, "kill the bill." But, there is a true concern that the overheated rhetoric will lead to the death of real people. Republicans and Tea Baggers can only shout "fire" in a crowded theatre for so long before an unbalanced individual moves decisively to extinguish the alleged conflagration.

The GOP and the Tea Bag crowd need to stop polarizing America and dial back the rhetoric before it is too late.

As far as the politics of healthcare, the GOP will suffer. Obama proved he can be tough and get things done in Washington - and everybody loves a winner. In the end, the public will appreciate their new benefits and the GOP is now in the position of trying to deny health insurance to people with preexisting conditions. Good luck on that.

Finally, the gloom and doom scenarios painted by overwrought phonies, such as House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio), will not come to pass. This is no different than when social conservatives claimed that civil unions in Vermont and marriage equality in Massachusetts would destroy the world.

Obviously, this did not happen, the public saw legalizing LGBT relationships was no big deal and our opponents lost credibility. The same will happen with healthcare. The sooner the public sees the sky is not falling, the faster the polling numbers will plummet for Republicans who voted on wrong side of history.
________________________________________________________________

If you are interested in hosting a fundraising event for Truth Wins Out, please contact the organization at wbesen@truthwinsout.org. Or, you can donate today with a tax-deductible contribution.

touche' hate!

2010-02-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

http://bit.ly/a7wPhl

Great commentary;

2010-02-15T17:47:00.000-08:00

Hot gay Israeli pop star!

2010-02-15T15:31:00.000-08:00

Dear GOP and Teabaggers.....

2010-01-21T17:59:00.001-08:00

*^&%^#$@ my ass! You stupid self righteous hypocrites!

60 Minutes; "Don't Ask Don't Tell" part 2

2009-12-20T12:51:00.000-08:00

60 Minutes; "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

2009-12-20T12:47:00.000-08:00

Letter to a married man that is secretly gay and religious

2009-12-15T15:45:00.000-08:00

Your situation is extremely common, mostly because narrow minded people have misused the bible to define gay people as filthy sinners. As an ex-ex-gay PK I can assure you that owning the real you is the most fulfilling thing you will ever do, outside of maybe having your children. Because of this oppression of gay people, society has long forced men and women to live in denial and grow up and get married. Thus, many a heterosexual has found themselves betrothed to a latent gay or bisexual spouse. This will become much less common when religious zealots are no longer able to control the legal rights of gay people and then gay couples can marry and "drain that swamp" of the well intended but self deluding homophiles that get caught up in this tragic Un-American, un-Constitutional majority abuse of a minority. Now see how my gay marriage isn't a threat to your straight one, but in fact strengthens your marriage? I have a fantastic marriage to a awesome guy 20 years and counting, and that isn't bad for anyone else it's in fact good for all of us. As for you my brother, no one is 100% straight or gay, god made us all a little less that exactly anything. I have known many, many guys in your situation, and there is a rainbow of choices as to what to do. Many guys live a lie until their kids grow up and then sit their wife down and tell her. Many guys tell their wife right out and face the intense but surprisingly brief (it's never as bad as it seems like it will be) "dramatic reorganization" of their and their families lives. This is likely the most emancipating approach for you personally, and in many cases if your wife really loves you and you're truly friends, this approach can be amicable and very successful. May I recommend you contact you local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) http://community.pflag.org/ Many of the members are ex-spouses of gay people that have come to empathize with the unfair predicament that their ex was a victim of. There are as many varieties of "what to do now's" as there are people like yourself.
Sexual identity is a very powerful compelling force, otherwise do you think anyone would be willing to "come out"? Harvey Milk was assassinated like Martin Luther King. There is something to the statement; "To thine own self, be true!", because if you're not the real you how can you really be a good father for your children? As for you wife if she doesn't want to remain in a celibate marriage, although this does happen sometimes, an annulled or divorced woman whose husband turned out to be gay is a very sympathetic figure among straight religious single men, i.e.; she'll live. As for your parents and brothers or sisters and relatives, co-workers, paper courier and everyone else in your life, it won't be a cakewalk but you will be surprised how quickly you will find yourself so much happier with your life, and when you accept yourself as you truly are, others will fall into place. My extremely religious Mother Just joined my husband and I for Thanksgiving, and after years of preachy if polite and condescending posture, was someone I didn't recognize, open minded, totally changed in attitude and has come to completely accept me as god made me, and she adores my wonderful Catholic husband and has accepted him as her son. Believe me if she can open her mind, ANYBODY CAN! All I can say as someone that went celibate for two years of missionary street preaching and sincerely attempting to be "ex-gay" ( I was know as father Monte in High School) twice, you need to keep an open mind and consider all the angles, starting here; http://www.truthwinsout.org/ . You should also read; "Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay And Christian In America" by Rev. Mel White. Be well my friend, Shalom and Maranatha

Uganda be Kidding Me!

2009-12-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

My letter to "Love Won Out" "ex-gay" webpage

2009-11-15T13:03:00.001-08:00

I was a member of "Love In Action" in San Francisco for over two years and established a half-way house for "ex-gays". I was sincere and committed. It was only when I came to accept the fact that Father God made me the way I am; gay, that I became a whole person and more able to represent the true nature of a person filled with The Holy Spirit. Moreover, Jesus has blessed me with a "state of the art" 20 years and ongoing loving relationship with a adorable Catholic man. Even my Evangelical family of ministers have come to love and respect gods gift of the sacred relationship I have with my life partner. So when Christian ministries fund efforts to deny us rights such as the right to marry or even the right to be protected from hate crimes (which, thank you Yeshua, was defeated) it grieves me to see "the church" of a loving god isolate gay people to the point that to most gay people, many whom have been discharged from their families, consider The People of Jesus to be enemies of every chance at happiness or justice or even the right to live in safety or peace. It is for this reason that I am obeying yeshua's commandment in saying that; " I rebuke you in Jesus name" and brush the dust of you domain off my feet. May Gods will be done, it is my hope and prayer that the church will repent of this disgrace. Amen

Good riddance LOU FREEKIN DOBBS!

2009-11-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

Now leave the radio show if you haven't already, I wouldn't know I don't tune in to lying delusional idiots.

a message to all those people in Maine on both sides

2009-11-04T11:06:00.000-08:00

Johnny Cash "Hurt"

2009-10-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

Very Important Speech in Maine

2009-10-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

nice remix

2009-10-18T13:34:00.001-07:00

Have lunch with Wayne Besen!

2009-09-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

Video: Please Choose Lunch With Me Over Sarah Palin; http://www.truthwinsout.org/pressreleases/2009/09/4199/

Micheal Moore vs. Fred Phelps! LMAO

2009-09-01T18:01:00.000-07:00

Have you no shame, GOP?

2009-08-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

Everyone should see documentaries called; "The Corporation" and "Sicko". It is amazing how dumb Americans can be, and how many diabolical opportunists there are taking advantage of them. Manipulating the gullible into voting and acting against their own interests and common sense.

The smartest blogger I know of;

2009-07-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

http://www.waynebesen.com/2009/07/family-values-fraud.html

The best movies ever made...

2009-07-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=39879283

"Mind Control Made Easy or How to Become a Cult Leader" -- A 12-minute streaming video at YouTube about cult brainwashing

2009-07-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

For more see;http://www.rickross.com/brainwashing.html

Produce sharing web sight

2009-06-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

This web page tells you where the fresh fruit is in your neighborhood or where you can share your own, isn't that cool~!
http://neighborhoodfruit.com/

2009-06-25T19:41:00.001-07:00

2009-06-25T19:40:00.001-07:00

Posted by Alex On 11:22 PM

I found this disgusting video on the Bilerico Project website earlier today. It is just scary that these ads were so common. It does make you think of how far we’ve come and how brave the gay community was. The ad warns boys about “homosexuals”. The film compares homosexuality to having small pox. It ends with the lines:

“One never knows when the homosexual is about. He may appear normal, and it may be too late when you discover he is mentally ill.”

1950's, "BOYS BEWARE"

2009-06-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

Judy and Dennis Shepard on CNN

2009-06-25T15:25:00.000-07:00

Church Exorcizing the "Homosexuality Demon"

2009-06-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

The hypocrite dance;

2009-06-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

As a gay man in a very successful relationship of 20 years so far, I am really indignant at the "Family Values" lecturing me on the sanctity of marriage! They want to make their subjective interpretation of the bible US law. That's Unamerican.

GOP is...,

2009-06-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

Fear, Religion, Greed, that is what the Republicans stand for.

World Thug Population;

2009-06-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

We should be grateful that we only have one Dick Cheney, as it appears Iran has thousands. Mean people suck.

Quoting the biggots, gay =sin

2009-06-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

GAY = SIN from Matthew Brown on Vimeo.

Really, What's Their Point?

2009-06-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

This is so eloquently written, so articulate, I had to repost it here.

© 2009 Wayne Besen. All rights reserved.
Anything But Straight | www.waynebesen.com

Weekly Column
June 9, 2009

I'm on my way to Grand Rapids, Michigan to give a presentation at Grand Valley State University on the harm caused by the "ex-gay" industry. My speech, followed by a panel discussion, is in response to Focus on the Family's traveling road show, Love Won Out, which will be in town on Saturday. Having countered several of these conferences, I must confess, I still don't understand what point they are trying to make.

If Focus on the Family's goal is to convert gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people into evangelical Christians, they are doing a lousy job. It seems convincing gay people to end their relationships is a far higher priority to this ministry than having gay people develop personal relationships with Jesus Christ.

For every guilt-ridden homosexual who temporarily falls under their spell, they lose hundreds, if not thousands, of gay people who view their conversion program as intolerant. If your ministry causes many gay people to write off not just Christianity, but all religion, by what measurement can you consider your evangelizing a success?

At Love Won Out, speakers go to great lengths to profess their deep concern over the mental and physical well being of homosexuals. It turns out, however, that the anti-gay sentiment expressed at these conferences may be hazardous to the health of GLBT people.

A new Emory University study concludes that the bans on same-sex marriage pushed by Focus on the Family c a n b e tied to a rise in the rate of HIV infection. The scientists found that a constitutional ban o n marriage equality raised the rate by 4 cases per 100,000 people.

"We found the effects of tolerance for gays on HIV to be statistically significant and robust, they hold up under a range of empirical models," says Hugo Mialon, an assistant professor of economics. "Intolerance is deadly," Mialon said. "Bans on gay marriage codify intolerance, causing more gay people to shift to underground sexual behaviors that carry more risk."

Earlier this year, a study by San Francisco State's Caitlin Ryan concluded that "teens who experienced negative feedback (when they came out) were more than eight times as likely to have attempted suicide, nearly six times as vulnerable to severe depression and more than three times at risk of drug use."

So, if Love Won Out is truly concerned about the health of gay people, particularly teenagers, it will transform into a gay affirming ministry. To continue down their destructive path of judgmental condemnation is senseless and significantly harmful to the very GLBT people that Focus purports to want to help.

Of course, Focus on the Family will insist that they love gay people and just want to help those who are unhappy. But, isn't it a conflict of interest when you lobby to pass anti-gay laws that make gay people miserable and then offer yourself up as the panacea to the pain? Is it not hypocritical to sponsor a conference supposedly about love, where the main speaker is Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International?

Chambers hosts a Christian television show, Pure Passion, which pollutes the airwaves by repeatedly calling gay people "sexually broken" and "perverse." Exodus also sells "Pursuing Sexual Wholeness" a book authored by Andy Comiskey that says, "Satan delights in homosexual perversion." Such pronouncements are often accompanied by exorcisms given by churches affiliated with ex-gay ministries. Obviously, such extreme actions are anathema to creating a welcoming church environment for GLBT people.

Focus on the Family also claims its conferences are for parents, friends, family members or ministry leaders who want to "lovingly reach out with uncompromised faith."

Genuine love, of course, requires making the very compromises and sacrifices that Love Won Out is telling people are unnecessary. Rejecting a friend or family member's innate sexual orientation as sinful and defective, rarely leads to a healthy relationship based on trust and mutual respect.

Finally, the investigative reporter Thomas Maier just released a groundbreaking book, "Masters of Sex." In it, he reveals that the famed sex research team, Masters and Johnson, had fabricated claims of curing gay people in their 1979 book, "Homosexuality in Perspective." Given this vital new information, why hasn't Focus on the Family taken the opportunity to review and question the validity of its program? Wouldn't that be the moral course of action to take?

The hard truth is, Focus on the Family's leaders are only capable of loving people exactly like themselves, which explains their tremendous efforts to remake gays in their image. While their splashy road show may get high marks for good theatre, it's ultimately futile because their transparent version of "love" rarely wins converts and succeeds only at convincing most gay people to run out of the church door.

© 2009 Wayne Besen. All rights reserved.
Anything But Straight | www.waynebesen.com

2009-06-12T17:21:00.001-07:00

What we have to do to save The United States

2009-06-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

It was really made clear in the documentary; "The Corporation" (2003); http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0379225/ made it crystal clear why our economic system is self destructing. I encourage you to find it and watch it. It will really delineate or put in perspective exactly what is going on. For one thing, President Obama must move to break up companies that are "too big to fail", otherwise anyone investing in such an enterprise should have to sign an agreement acknowledging that the business could fail and all of their equity and rights will be lost in the event it's managed into the ground. Breaking up these companies is what they did to AT&T, and it expanded that industry. One thing we could all benefit from would be real competition in banking and finance. The auto makers should have been retooled to make things that we actually need at this time, such as solar panels, wind turbines, and home insulation, just as they did at the beginning of WWII. Thank you Michael Moore.

Watch the door what the cop carries out in the box

2009-06-10T16:23:00.000-07:00

2009-06-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

Dealing With Manipulative People

2009-06-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

An Excerpt from the book: In Sheep's Clothing

By George K. Simon

Two Basic Types of Aggression

There are two basic types of aggression: overt-aggression and covert-aggression. When you're determined to have something and you're open, direct and obvious in your manner of fighting, your behavior is best labeled overtly aggressive. When you're out to "win," dominate or control, but are subtle, underhanded or deceptive enough to hide your true intentions, your behavior is most appropriately labeled covertly aggressive. Now, avoiding any overt display of aggression while simultaneously intimidating others into giving you what you want is a powerfully manipulative maneuver. That's why covert-aggression is most often the vehicle for interpersonal manipulation.

Acts of Covert-Aggression vs. Covert-Aggressive Personalities

Most of us have engaged in some sort of covertly aggressive behavior from time to time. Periodically trying to manipulate a person or a situation doesn't make someone a covert-aggressive personality. Personality can be defined by the way a person habitually perceives, relates to and interacts with others and the world at large.

The tactics of deceit, manipulation and control are a steady diet for covert-aggressive personality. It's the way they prefer to deal with others and to get the things they want in life.

The Process of Victimization

For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

1. A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.

2. The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.

3. All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button." – But at the time their manipulative child is busily pushing that button, they can easily forget what's really going on. Besides, sometimes we're unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities. Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited.

4. What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we've been taught to believe about human nature. We've been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or "hung-up." So, while our gut tells us we're dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded "underneath." What's more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We're more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator's character.

Recognizing Aggressive Agendas

Accepting how fundamental it is for people to fight for the things they want and becoming more aware of the subtle, underhanded ways people can and do fight in their daily endeavors and relationships can be very consciousness expanding. Learning to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life's many battles, has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I've worked. It's how they eventually freed themselves from their manipulator's dominance and control and gained a much needed boost to their own sense of self esteem. Recognizing the inherent aggression in manipulative behavior and becoming more aware of the slick, surreptitious ways that manipulative people prefer to aggress against us is extremely important. Not recognizing and accurately labeling their subtly aggressive moves causes most people to misinterpret the behavior of manipulators and, therefore, fail to respond to them in an appropriate fashion. Recognizing when and how manipulators are fighting with covertly aggressive tactics is essential.

Defense Mechanisms and Offensive Tactics

Almost everyone is familiar with the term defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are the "automatic" (i.e. unconscious) mental behaviors all of us employ to protect or defend ourselves from the "threat" of some emotional pain. More specifically, ego defense mechanisms are mental behaviors we use to "defend" our self-images from "invitations" to feel ashamed or guilty about something. There are many different kinds of ego defenses and the more traditional (psychodynamic) theories of personality have always tended to distinguish the various personality types, at least in part, by the types of ego defenses they prefer to use. One of the problems with psychodynamic approaches to understanding human behavior is that they tend to depict people as most always afraid of something and defending or protecting themselves in some way; even when they're in the act of aggressing. Covert-aggressive personalities (indeed all aggressive personalities) use a variety of mental behaviors and interpersonal maneuvers to help ensure they get what they want. Some of these behaviors have been traditionally thought of as defense mechanisms.

While, from a certain perspective we might say someone engaging in these behaviors is defending their ego from any sense of shame or guilt, it's important to realize that at the time the aggressor is exhibiting these behaviors, he is not primarily defending (i.e. attempting to prevent some internally painful event from occurring), but rather fighting to maintain position, gain power and to remove any obstacles (both internal and external) in the way of getting what he wants. Seeing the aggressor as on the defensive in any sense is a set-up for victimization. Recognizing that they're primarily on the offensive, mentally prepares a person for the decisive action they need to take in order to avoid being run over. Therefore, I think it's best to conceptualize many of the mental behaviors (no matter how "automatic" or "unconscious" they may appear) we often think of as defense mechanisms, as offensive power tactics, because aggressive personalities employ them primarily to manipulate, control and achieve dominance over others. Rather than trying to prevent something emotionally painful or dreadful from happening, anyone using these tactics is primarily trying to ensure that something they want to happen does indeed happen. Using the vignettes presented in the previous chapters for illustration, let's take a look at the principal tactics covert-aggressive personalities use to ensure they get their way and maintain a position of power over their victims:

Denial – This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It's a way they lie (to themselves as well as to others) about their aggressive intentions. This "Who... Me?" tactic is a way of "playing innocent," and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what they want to do. This denial is not the same kind of denial that a person who has just lost a loved one and can't quite bear to accept the pain and reality of the loss engages in. That type of denial really is mostly a "defense" against unbearable hurt and anxiety. Rather, this type of denial is not primarily a "defense" but a maneuver the aggressor uses to get others to back off, back down or maybe even feel guilty themselves for insinuating he's doing something wrong.

In the story of James the minister, James' denial of his ruthless ambition is massive. He denied he was hurting and neglecting his family. He especially denied he was aggressively pursuing any personal agenda. On the contrary, he cast himself as the humble servant to a honorable cause. He managed to convince several people (and maybe even himself) of the nobility and purity of his intentions. But underneath it all, James knew he was being dishonest: This fact is borne out in his reaction to the threat of not getting a seat on the Elders' Council if his marital problems worsened. When James learned he might not get what he was so aggressively pursuing after all, he had an interesting "conversion" experience. All of a sudden, he decided he could put aside the Lord's bidding for a weekend and he might really need to devote more time to his marriage and family. James' eyes weren't opened by the pastor's words. He always kept his awareness high about what might hinder or advance his cause. He knew if he didn't tend to his marriage he might lose what he really wanted. So, he chose (at least temporarily) to alter course.

In the story of Joe and Mary, Mary confronted Joe several times about what she felt was insensitivity and ruthlessness on his part in his treatment of Lisa. Joe denied his aggressiveness. He also successfully convinced Mary that what she felt in her gut was his aggressiveness was really conscientiousness, loyalty, and passionate fatherly concern. Joe wanted a daughter who got all A's. Mary stood in the way. Joe's denial was the tactic he used to remove Mary as an obstacle to what he wanted.

Selective Inattention – This tactic is similar to and sometimes mistaken for denial It's when the aggressor "plays dumb," or acts oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the aggressor actively ignores the warnings, pleas or wishes of others, and in general, refuses to pay attention to everything and anything that might distract them from pursuing their own agenda. Often, the aggressor knows full well what you want from him when he starts to exhibit this "I don't want to hear it!" behavior. By using this tactic, the aggressor actively resists submitting himself to the tasks of paying attention to or refraining from the behavior you want him to change. In the story of Jenny and Amanda, Jenny tried to tell Amanda she was losing privileges because she was behaving irresponsibly. But Amanda wouldn't listen. Her teachers tried to tell her what she needed to do to improve her grade: but she didn't listen to them either. Actively listening to and heeding the suggestions of someone else are, among other things, acts of submission. And, as you may remember from the story, Amanda is not a girl who submits easily. Determined to let nothing stand in her way and convinced she could eventually "win" most of her power struggles with authority figures through manipulation, Amanda closed her ears. She didn't see any need to listen. From her point of view, she would only have lost some power and control if she submitted herself to the guidance and direction offered by those whom she views as less powerful, clever and capable as herself.

Rationalization – A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It's a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what he wants to do (quieting any qualms of conscience he might have) but also to keep others off his back. If the aggressor can convince you he's justified in whatever he's doing, then he's freer to pursue his goals without interference.

In the story of little Lisa, Mary felt uneasy about the relentlessness with which Joe pursued his quest to make his daughter an obedient, all-A student once again. And, she was aware of Lisa's expressed desire to pursue counseling as a means of addressing and perhaps solving some of her problems. Although Mary felt uneasy about Joe's forcefulness and sensed the impact on her daughter, she allowed herself to become persuaded by his rationalizations that any concerned parent ought to know his daughter better than some relatively dispassionate outsider and that he was only doing his duty by doing as much as he possibly could to "help" his "little girl." When a manipulator really wants to make headway with their rationalizations they'll be sure their excuses are combined with other effective tactics. For example, when Joe was "selling" Mary on the justification for shoving his agenda down everyone's throat he was also sending out subtle invitations for her to feel ashamed (shaming her for not being as "concerned" a parent as he was) as well as making her feel guilty (guilt-tripping her) for not being as conscientious as he was pretending to be.

Diversion – A moving target is hard to hit. When we try to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don't like, he's expert at knowing how to change the subject, dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve. Manipulators use distraction and diversion techniques to keep the focus off their behavior, move us off-track, and keep themselves free to promote their self-serving hidden agendas.

Rather than respond directly to the issue being addressed, Amanda diverted attention to her teacher's and classmates' treatment of her. Jenny allowed Amanda to steer her off track. She never got a straight answer to the question.

Another example of a diversion tactic can be found in the story of Don and Al. Al changed the subject when Don asked him if he had any plans to replace him. He focused on whether he was unhappy or not with Don's sales performance – as if that's what Don had asked him about in the first place. He never gave Don a straight answer to a straight question (manipulators are notorious for this). He told him what he thought would make Don feel less anxious and would steer him away from pursuing the matter any further. Al left feeling like he'd gotten an answer but all he really got was the "runaround."

Early in the current school year, I found it necessary to address my son's irresponsibility about doing his homework by making a rule that he bring his books home every night. One time I asked: "Did you bring your books home today?" His response was: "Guess what, Dad. Instead of tomorrow, we're not going to have our test – until Friday." My question was simple and direct. His answer was deliberately evasive and diversionary. He knew that if he answered the question directly and honestly, he would have received a consequence for failing to bring his books home. By using diversion (and also offering a rationalization) he was already fighting with me to avoid that consequence. Whenever someone is not responding directly to an issue, you can safely assume that for some reason, they're trying to give you the slip.

Lying – It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. But there are also times when you don't know you've been deceived until it's too late. One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that because aggressive personalities of all types will generally stop at nothing to get what they want, you can expect them to lie and cheat. Another thing to remember is that manipulators – covert-aggressive personalities that they are – are prone to lie in subtle, covert ways. Courts are well aware of the many ways that people lie, as they require that court oaths charge that testifiers tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth from you or by distorting the truth. They are adept at being vague when you ask them direct questions. This is an especially slick way of lying' omission. Keep this in mind when dealing with a suspected wolf in sheep's clothing. Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information.

Covert Intimidation – Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. Guilt-tripping and shaming are two of the covert-aggressive's favourite weapons. Both are special intimidation tactics.

Guilt-tripping – One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon. Aggressive personalities of all types use guilt-tripping so frequently and effectively as a manipulative tactic, that I believe it illustrates how fundamentally different in character they are compared to other (especially neurotic) personalities. All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don't care enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person immediately starts to feel bad. On the contrary, a conscientious person might try until they're blue in the face to get a manipulator (or any other aggressive personality) to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, to absolutely no avail.

Shaming – This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It's an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.

When Joe loudly proclaimed any "good" parent would do just as he was doing to help Lisa, he subtly implied Mary would be a "bad" parent if she didn't attempt to do the same. He "invited" her to feel ashamed of herself. The tactic was effective. Mary eventually felt ashamed for taking a position that made it appear she didn't care enough about her own daughter. Even more doubtful of her worth as a person and a parent, Mary deferred to Joe, thus enabling him to rein a position of dominance over her. Covert-aggressives are expert at using shaming tactics in the most subtle ways. Sometimes it can just be in the glances they give or the tone of voice they use. Using rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm and other techniques, they can invite you to feel ashamed of yourself for even daring to challenge them. Joe tried to shame Mary when I considered accepting the educational assessment performed by Lisa's school. He said something like: "I'm not sure what kind of doctor you are or just what kind of credentials you have, but I'm sure you'd agree that a youngster's grades wouldn't slip as much as Lisa's for no reason. You couldn't be entirely certain she didn't have a learning disability unless you did some testing, could you?' With those words, he "invited" Mary to feel ashamed of herself for not at least considering doing just as he asked. If Mary didn't have a suspicion about what he was up to, she might have accepted this invitation without a second thought.

Playing the Victim Role – This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. One thing that covert-aggressive personalities count on is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can't stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore, the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you're suffering in some way, and they'll try to relieve your distress.

In the story of Amanda and Jenny, Amanda was good at playing the victim role too. She had her mother believing that she (Amanda) was the victim of extremely unfair treatment and the target of unwarranted hostility. I remember Jenny telling me: "Sometimes I think Amanda's wrong when she says her teacher hates her and I hate her. But what if that's what she really believes? Can I afford to be so firm with her if she believes in her heart that I hate her?" I remember telling Jenny: "Whether Amanda has come to believe her own distortions is almost irrelevant. She manipulates you because you believe that she believes it and allow that supposed belief to serve as an excuse for her undisciplined aggression."

Vilifying the Victim – This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (i.e. defending himself against) aggression on the part of the victim. It enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defensive.

Returning again to the story of Jenny and Amanda, when Amanda accuses her mother of "hating" her and "always saying mean things" to her, she not only invites Jenny to feel the "bully," but simultaneously succeeds in "bullying" Jenny into backing off. More than any other, the tactic of vilifying the victim is a powerful means of putting someone unconsciously on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent and behavior of the person using the tactic.

Playing the Servant Role – Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others. In the story of James (the minister) and Sean, James appeared to many to be the tireless servant. He attended more activities than he needed to attend and did so eagerly. But if devoted service to those who needed him was his aim, how does one explain the degree to which James habitually neglected his family? As an aggressive personality, James submits himself to no one. The only master he serves is his own ambition. Not only was playing the servant role an effective tactic for James, but also it's the cornerstone upon which corrupt ministerial empires of all types are built. A good example comes to mind in the recent true story of a well-known tele-evangelist who locked himself up in a room in a purported display of "obedience" and "service" to God. He even portrayed himself' a willing sacrificial lamb who was prepared to be "taken by God" if he didn't do the Almighty's bidding and raise eight million dollars. He claimed he was a humble servant, merely heeding the Lord's will. He was really fighting to save his substantial material empire.

Another recent scandal involving a tele-evangelist resulted in his church's governance body censuring him for one year. But he told his congregation he couldn't stop his ministry because he had to be faithful to the Lord's will (God supposedly talked to him and told him not to quit). This minister was clearly being defiant of his church's established authority. Yet, he presented himself as a person being humbly submissive to the "highest" authority. One hallmark characteristic of covert-aggressive personalities is loudly professing subservience while fighting for dominance.

Seduction – Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty. Covert-aggressives are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren't character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. Appearing to be attentive to these needs can be a manipulator's ticket to incredible power over others. Shady "gurus" like Jim Jones and David Koresh seemed to have refined this tactic to an art. In the story of Al and Don, Al is the consummate seducer. He melts any resistance you might have to giving him your loyalty and confidence. He does this by giving you what he knows you need most. He knows you want to feel valued and important. So, he often tells you that you are. You don't find out how unimportant you really are to him until you turn out to be in his way.

Projecting the blame (blaming others) – Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they're expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways.

Minimization – This tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization. When using this maneuver, the aggressor is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain.

I've presented the principal tactics that covert-aggressives use to manipulate and control others. They are not always easy to recognize. Although all aggressive personalities tend to use these tactics, covert-aggressives generally use them slickly, subtly and adeptly. Anyone dealing with a covertly aggressive person will need to heighten gut-level sensitivity to the use of these tactics if they're to avoid being taken in by them.

To see more documents/articles regarding this group/organization/subject http://www.rickross.com/brainwashing.html.

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

Killing HIV patients

2009-06-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

HIV and AIDS healthcare in California is about to be decimated.

The health of 150,000 low-income Californians living with HIV as well as the lives of those at risk of infection are in grave danger. Governor Schwarzenegger is recommending, and the legislature is considering, deep cuts to the AIDS Drug Assistance Program (ADAP) as well as reducing or eliminating essential HIV counseling, testing, education and monitoring programs. These proposals are inhumane, shortsighted, and threaten individual and public health. You can help save HIV/AIDS healthcare in California. Write the Budget Conference Committee Members. Take action right now. California is in an unparalleled fiscal crisis – but cutting these essential programs and threatening real people’s lives is not how we should close the deficit.

from http://www.eqca.org/siteapps/advocacy/ActionItem.aspx?c=kuLRJ9MRKrH&b=4025663&aid=12368&tr=y&auid=4951416

go to the above page to see what you can do to help.

2009-05-29T13:02:00.001-07:00

The real reason some religious nuts oppose gay marriage

The only real reason gay marriage is a threat to traditional marriage is that to see gay couples in successful relationships would challenge the myth of a holier than thou, God fearing, and thus more deserving of rights than you, master-class. In the same way that Jesus was a threat to the "order and discipline" of the Pharisees and Sadducees, also based solely on their interpretation of The Bible. However in this case the majority of opposition came from those also reading The Book of Mormon. The Mormons were the odd lot where they started in The Eastern US, and were driven out with violence to Missouri, where they were driven out again, lest they be slain for being heretics. Then when a wagon train came through Utah The Mormons killed men, women, and children (see “Mountain Meadows Massacre”; http://waronyou.com/topics/satanic-1857-mormon-massacre-of-wagon-train/). In each case one group saw the other group as scary heretics. Now it's gay peoples turn. The Mormons are in direct conflict with the teachings of The Bible according to many evangelicals (http://bit.ly/Ubm5G). However, the homophobia runs so deep in modern American religious circles that attacking gay people can get even Mormons a seat at the table. This trick was used so well in the past by scapegoating Jews.

Mormons teach that they alone are the gatekeepers to heaven and unlike most christian churches that request 10% of one's income as a voluntary tithe, The LDS demands 20% and audits the "donations". This begs the question; with that much money flowing into the LDS coffers, how long will it take to change the balance of power before The LDS is clearly on top. The flow of vast amounts of LDS cash and LDS directed donations into California clearly changed the equation of the referendum, a good example of what will be increasingly more possible in the future in any number of ways, to control the American culture and political future. Clearly The Mormon "Golden Rule" is; "he who has the Gold, makes the rules". It's only a matter of time before The Mormon thugs have the power to persecute anyone they want to; SO WHO WILL THEY COME FOR NEXT?